Updates, Life Projects, Etc.

I say this in the most bittersweet way I can: I'm almost at the six month mark of what is probably the most committed thing I've done in my life.

I'm at almost six months of mostly consistent language learning. I'm admittedly cheating a bit since I spent roughly a month with German before switching to Japanese, but the goal is still overall the same. It's been six months of doing something self-propelled and productive. I've no external pressures to continue like classes or promises other than to myself.

But yet I find it bittersweet. I haven't been consistent in documenting the process in the Theme Journal (or written in my regular journal). I haven't read quite as much as I wanted. I've gained significant weight in those six months. And I still haven't surmounted the greatest challenge: the fear of perceived change.

I have no fear of change in myself. I often think of doing some dramatic overhaul of my life and habits and living space and everything else. No, instead my fear is being perceived as having changed by others. How would my parents react? Further family? Friends? Girlfriend? I believe most would be supportive - especially given that the changes would be genuinely productive like going to the gym and learning a new language. What am I so afraid of? Why does the thought of someone commenting on my improvement fill me with dread (and to some degree, anger)?

Maybe I'm afraid of it being so apparent that one version of me died and another took its place.